


The Mouths of Babes

by GobsmackApplejack



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Embarrassment, Established Relationship, High Embarrassment Factor, Kid Fic, M/M, Mention of Knotting, Parents Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Sex Talk, Swearing, but not during sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 04:32:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10779645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GobsmackApplejack/pseuds/GobsmackApplejack
Summary: It's hard making sexy times happen when you have a kid who may or may not be developing his werewolf hearing. (Hint: He's not. You're just loud.)





	The Mouths of Babes

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a Real Life Occurrence™. Many thanks too [Elysiumxi](https://elysiumxi.tumblr.com/) (on tumblr) for sharing this embarrassing story and granting me permission to write it, and to [LadyDrace](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyDrace) who created the Sterek Bar which is, among other wonderful things, a fanfic incubator. So, thank you to everyone there too! *waves*  
>   
> Also, thanks to [ellsaba (lacydean)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/laceydean) and [Smowkie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Smowkie) for the quick beta, though I did not change all the marks so any mistakes are my own.
> 
> More complete warning at the end of the chapter.

 

 

The bed rocks rhythmically, knocking into the wall, but not so loudly it can be heard in other parts of the house.  At least, probably not.  Stiles’s voice however...  

“Oh god, oh god. Yeah. Right there. Uuuhhhh. Der. That’s it.  Oh fuck. I’m-”

Suddenly the bedroom door bangs open, hitting the wall adjacent, but surprisingly not bouncing closed considering the force with which it hit.

The sudden bright light blinds them for a second, but slowly they are able to see the door sized rectangle of light framing a dark figure, just so. Jamie is standing in the doorway trailing his favorite teddy bear from his hand and wearing a scowl to rival Derek’s best. (Is it possible to inherit a feature from a parent if you don’t share any genetic material with said parent, Stiles wonders.  Because Jamie is really rocking the murderbrows.)

“I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!”

There's a second of stunned silence. Derek carefully puts his hand over Stiles’s mouth which is opening and closing silently, forewarning his impending word vomit.

“Hey kiddo, we’ll be quiet now. Go back to sleep, okay?  You have a playdate with Nari tomorrow so you’ll need to get as much sleep as you can.”  Derek’s voice is pitched higher than normal and he sounds pleading more than commanding, but however odd it sounds, it’s a hundred times better than any utterance Stiles would make right now.

Jamie rubs his eyes, maintaining his scowl.  Grabs the doorknob and swings the door shut with a slam.  The sound of stomping feet can be heard fading down the hallway.  After they hear Jamie’s bedroom door slam too, Stiles shakes off Derek’s hand.  

“Holy shit, Der!  Holy shit,” he whispers frantically.  “You think he heard us? What am I saying, of fucking course he heard us, we woke him up.  Do you think- you think his wolf hearing is coming in?”

“Stiles, relax.  He’s too young.  That won’t kick in for another five years at least.  You were just... being loud.’

“Shit. I don’t-” he slumps to the bed taking Derek with him.  “I don’t even know if I want to finish. That’s a pretty major boner killer.  Maybe worse than my dad walking in on us.”

“Please don’t mention your dad.”  As if to drive his point home, Derek shifts his hips, rolling and thrusting them slowly.

“Hgnn.  That’s not fair!”  Derek continues to rock forward.  “Ooooh. Fuck.  Where were we?”

“Just keep it down this time.”

“Okay. That. Keep doing that. I will never talk again if you keep doing thaaa..aat.”  

Derek proceeds to fuck Stiles -quietly- into the mattress.

 

xXx

 

The next morning, Stiles is fighting with the coffee maker as Jamie shovels down a bowl of oatmeal as quickly as he can.  Derek is sipping his protein shake in between washing a few dishes.  Once Jamie is done eating he sets his dish in the sink and turns to Stiles.

“Daddy, you owe $10.50 to the swear jar.”

“Hmmm? What, kiddo?”  The coffee is brewing and Stiles had been leaning on the counter waiting for it, zoning out a little.

“You said the F word,” Jamie flicks his fingers up one at a time, moving on to his other hand too, “eight times, the s word, the f-s word, the h word, the a word, the d word. And you made Papa growly.”

Stiles gapes for just a few seconds before snapping his mouth closed.

“Uh.”  He pushes down the panic and keeps his voice calm. “Okay.  Ten dollars going in the swear jar.”  Stiles looks around for his wallet, hands jittery.

“Ten fifty!”

“Okay. Heh.” He picks up and waves his wallet at Jamie.  “Putting in a twenty.  Just in case.”  He stuffs the bill into the jar, already filled with bills and coins, mostly from him.

Jamie smirks, satisfied, grabs his teddy and runs out the back door.  Presumably to terrorize the dog.

“Der. Der!  What did he hear?”  Stiles is pulling at his hair with both hands.  “He said the d word.  Was that when I said ‘get your dick in me’?  Or when I said I wanna suck your dick?”

Derek looks up from rinsing the dishes. “I think he means damn.”

“Okay. Oh fuck.  Was that when I said get your damn knot in me? ‘Cause then that would mean he heard me say  ‘Pump me full of your come.’  Fuuuck! Did he hear me say ‘knot me so hard I can’t walk’?”

“Babe, relax. I’ll talk to him.”

“What?  What can you say about this?  You can’t say anything! It’s too disturbing!  Ohmygod ohmygod.  I’m ruining our child. They’ll interview him and he’ll tell them about this and we’ll never be able to adopt again!  He’ll be an only child.  Not that I didn’t turn out great, but it’s a big burden, taking care of a parent alone.  And there’s two of us!  He’s going to collapse under the responsibility!”

Derek walks over to Stiles and wraps him in a hug, soapy hands and all.  It traps his flailing arms against his sides until he gives in and relaxes.  Stiles eventually slides his arms around Derek’s waist and rests his forehead on his shoulder.

“What the fuck happened to your werewolf hearing?”  It’s soft, not accusatory, despite the words.

“Well I was kind of distracted. And you talk a lot.”  Derek leans back, forcing Stiles to look up again.

“Okay mister only-uses-sex-grunts-and-growls.”  

“It’ll be fine.  He’s old enough to understand about affection in a relationship.  I’ll just tell him there are things that we do that,” Derek pauses to think.  “That are private.  I’ll ask him if he has any questions.”

“But he’s a curious kid.  He knows how to use google.  What if he googles what I said?  What if-”

The sound of Jamie’s squealing laughter makes them look toward the back yard.  Then they turn to each other and smile in relief, sharing the same thought; they’ve got a great, resilient kid.  He’ll be fine.  Derek nuzzles Stiles’s hairline and kisses his temple.  His lips graze the shell of Stiles’s ear, but he’s careful not to add any heat to this show of affection.  They’ve learned not to even skate the boundaries of sexy times when Jamie is around.

They’re just moving apart to continue the day when-

“No Sparky.”  They hear Jamie’s voice faint but clear, insistent.

“No Sparky!  Put him down!”  They hear the play growls of their Czech wolfdog.  The ones he uses when playing tug of war.

“No Sparky!”  Jamie growls also, a cute imitation of Derek, but one he only uses when he’s starting to get upset.  Stiles quickly walks over to the sliding glass door to the back yard.

“NO SPARKY!  THAT’S MY TEDDY!”

Stiles starts to pull on his sneakers.

“SPARKY, YOU GIMME BACK MY TEDDY OR I’M GONNA KNOT YOU SO HARD YOU CAN’T WALK!”

By the time Derek gets to the door all he sees is the curtains swirling and fluttering where Stiles has run outside so quickly he apparently created a small wind vortex.

 

Oh dear God, they’ve ruined their child.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Warning/Plot Summary: Accidental voyeurism without understanding what is going on. Stiles and Derek’s kid is woken up by loud noises of sex, yells at them, then goes back to bed. The next day he repeats a phrase he heard Stiles say.
> 
> My [tumblr](http://gobsmackapplejack.tumblr.com) and my [sterek tumblr](http://mutualpiningandawkwardness.tumblr.com). Come say hi!


End file.
